“I don’t need a man.” I can’t even remember how many times I’ve heard this quote in person. How many times have I heard, “I don’t need a women”? A couple times in country music songs. Yeah, I occasionally listen to country music. Where did things go so wrong that the semantics of the word need, is viewed by men and women so differently? Lets take a look at the definition of the word need by Merriam Webster. You know that book we used to pull out in grade school. Need: something that is desirable, useful, a physiological or psychological requirement, a condition of requirement and so forth. Now that we know what it means, lets go out into the cosmos and break apart this sensationalized pressure to be alone. In the process lets discover for women why it’s ok to need a man, and men why it’s okay to need a woman.
Feminists are urging millennials that it is empowering to not need men. Financial autonomy is more important than emotional wellbeing. We are told it’s okay to feel a void if we don’t have the job we want, but it’s not okay to feel a void if you lacking companionship. Every time I’ve heard, “I don’t need a man” it’s from people who are having marital problems, women who’s husbands are having or had affairs, women who have been sexually assaulted, women who’ve been divorced multiple times, women who’s husbands have committed suicide, and women who are unhappy but try to disguise it through their use of cat sweaters. I have yet to hear from happily married couples the idea that they don’t need their spouse. Someday I’ll run across one I’m sure. However, I’d bet that even though they would say they don’t need their spouse, the reason their marriage is successful is because each others necessity to love and be loved was fulfilled. Shhh don’t tell them. In the aforementioned statement about faltering men, I’m not trying to push blame on women for husbands and men making a bad decision. I would suggest though the reason many men do falter is a lack of unrequited love. If a man can feel a need for a women, likewise woman should be able to have a need for a man.
So that begs the question of why a women may need a man, or visa versa. One of the basic human needs is the need for love. That can be obtained through family, and friends, and you guessed it even a man. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved. It’s innate, it’s who we are. Relationships built with a sense of vulnerability and interdependence are in fact healthy. Healthy love feels good. Love makes us more efficient and complete.
Society has turned our innate need for love into a pathology specifically in regards to heterosexual women. Women are viewed as subordinate if you consider companionship as an equal to that of financial autonomy. Women and men are taught that there is something wrong with them if they have a need for love. Statistically speaking people are waiting longer and longer to get married. More children are born out of wedlock because women were told that they get some fictional medal for raising children on their own. The perpetual cycle of single mothers then gets pushed on generation to generation all the while lacking a basic understanding that children need their fathers for proper growth. Is it worth such narcissistic egos?
As a child I read this book called the Bible. Dare I mention that darn book as millennials perceive it as the epitome of a trigger warning. In the book it talks about Adam and Eve. I’m referencing Genesis 2:18 to be exact. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” I could go on and on. The importance I find from this verse is God’s acknowledgment of the necessity for Adam to have companionship. Not only that, but also for procreation (be fruitful and multiply). I know not everyone believes in the Bible, but the vast majority of humans believe in a higher being. A majority of believers in America believe in Christ. So why should we not consider the Bible. Lets not stop there.
Outside of religion we also see in evolution the need for male and female. Females cannot procreate without males with a few exceptions where species can alter their sex. Many species need males for protection as anatomically males are in general stronger. Many species additionally feel love for their mate. There are countless stories of animals dying after their mate died. In my family a story was passed on about one of their rabbits dying. The rabbits mate died of a broken heart a few days later. If animals can feel companionships and the strain of its loss, then why is it pathological for humans with a hundred billion neural connections to feel the same?
Scientifically speaking the fittest seek a mate that is better or equal to their own stature. Even in humans those we place on a pedestal and whom we deem most fit still seek companionship. Meg Whitman for example is one of the most successful women in America. She’s married to a neurosurgeon. Carly Fiorina is married to a retired corporate executive. Oprah Winfrey by a spiritual union is united to a man who is in public relations and an author. Liliane Bettencourt, the richest woman in the world, married until her husbands death. Abigail Johnson married. The list can go on. My point here is that even our feminine heroes acknowledge the need for companionship.
All this typing and I have yet to even touch the surface. Men and women work in a symbiotic relationship. Male and female are in fact anatomically and psychologically different. To say that we are otherwise not different, goes against everything transgender fight for. To say that women and men are not different is naive to the fact that their are recognizable differences. When we utilize our differences in constructive pathways, a man and women can excel even fuller. Another good example is the gay community seeking marriage. The act of wanting equal rights to marry is acknowledging the fact they need acknowledged companionship. They need to be loved wether it be the same gender.
I’m going to go on a far tangent while referencing smut for women. Yes, book porn for women. It’s obvious there is a sexual desire that many women want. Consider Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s one of the most backward thinking books and sits far from feminist ideology. Yet, many women love reading every word. The plot, a sexually conservative heterosexual women has her sexual desires fulfilled by a man. How strikingly awkward that such a book would sell over 125 million copies. Yet certain people would equate a sexual appetite as a want rather than a need. Something that is innate shouldn’t be trivialized to anything less than necessity.
Furthermore, I realize science has created a way for children to be made without the physical contact created in a sexual act. Procreation can be made without men. Childrens’ conceptions are in fact now made in petri dishes. However, it is important to note that children need their fathers. Woman can raise a child without a man, but statistically it is better for them to be raised in an intact home.
There is nothing wrong with you if you have an urge to need a man. There is nothing wrong with you if you need a woman. Need is not a weakness. Acknowledging that we have needs also acknowledges the fact that we are not perfect. No one is perfect. Statistically speaking you will be happier with a companion. There is something spectacular with the idea that men and women are vulnerable and need each other. Maybe I’m old fashioned.
I need my wife for companionship. I need my wife for friendship. I need my wife for love. I do recognize those three separately. I need my wife because she makes me happier. I need my wife to be a mother to my children. I need my wife to help me be a better man. I need my wife because we are better and more successful together. I need my wife to asert calm in my life. I need my wife for a sense of direction and purpose. This list can go on but you get my drift. My needs don’t make me weak. Acknowledging that I have needs only makes me smart.
I can acknowledge my vulnerability. I can only hope that women acknowledge their vulnerabilities and realize their needs can be fulfilled by their husbands. So many relationships would be better off with the realization that people are better together than working apart.
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Note: I was tossing and turning in bed and I couldn’t sleep. My mind was racing with a million thoughts. Those thoughts of course sounded better before I wrote them down. I felt compelled to write this post at 4:00 a.m. in the morning. So please offer some leniency to it before you judge too harshly.
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